“Will you be able to understand our revolutionary life?”

I happened to talk to a member of my organization whose wife has stayed behind in Burma since he has joined the revolution. He told me that he got a letter from his wife secretly. He and his wife were married for only four years when he had to leave home in 1988. In the letter, his wife told him that the twelve years of attachment he had with the revolution must be different from the four-year of marriage. I understand it is the emotional outburst of a wife who was left behind at home by her husband for so long. Even though the kind of attachment to the revolution is not the same as to the marriage, I realized what she said about our attachment to the revolution and the affection our comrades have for each other are an absolute truth. Another member also jumped into our conversation and said, "I could easily cut off my attachment to my parents and family when I left home to join the revolution. Yet, it's hard for me to do that same to the revolution and I cannot do it." It is in fact absolutely true.

I have been quizzing myself for the reason doing this revolution to this day for 12 years with no direct link to personal profit. The most fundamental reason and everybody can easily understand is the "belief" I have. Because it is just, this "belief" has been firm and steady. The second reason is because I enjoy the "freedom". However, this "freedom" is not like the freedom of a run-away youth from home. The "freedom" I am enjoying in the revolution is the freedom from oppression and fear, the freedom to learn, express and reflect what I believe in, and most importantly, the freedom with responsibility. Along with the freedom, another benefit I have attained is that I have found myself. Once I've found the freedom, I've had to try to stand on my own feet. For that, I have to try to know about myself. I have to divulge my abilities and capabilities while establishing relationships with people in the community/revolution. Only when I can survive on my own, will I gain my independence or freedom. I believe this opportunity to achieve maturity and adulthood and the taste of freedom enables me to enjoy in the revolution for democracy even though the conditions are harsh.

However, I want to point out that there is something that bounded us together which can neither be seen nor easily understood. That is the attachment or affection, to speak in common language, or comradeship, which is organizational, or "spirit de core", which is said in the military term.

When we first arrived in the jungle, most of us never knew each other before and were not relatives of any kind. It happened for us to live together based on the common belief. We became to be supportive to each other as we had to share the life of revolution. Our life in the jungle could not be, or was not, the same as when we were at home back in Burma: Those of us who had eaten the food prepared and had been taken care of by the parents had to take responsibility to do cooking for the other comrades in the camp. Those of us who slept in the beds made by our parents now had to build barracks together for ourselves. Those of us who had been used to fuzz for disliking the curry at the parents’ home had to share the poorest quality of split rice to eat with fish paste and watery soup by quota. Those of us who had been hesitant to care for the ailing parents became to care for our comrades when they got sick. Since then the family spirit has happened to take place its roots among us and we have begun to feel that our comrades are the only family we have as we all have been apart from our families and homes. When the conditions were so harsh, two comrades had to share one blanket and wore a slipper by routine. At some times, I had nothing I could claim as my belonging. My things were used by my comrades like their belongings. We were never jealous nor upset nor rigid about that. Sometimes we did not even have an own space for each of us to sleep. We lied on any empty space we found when we wanted to go to sleep. In the situation where we could all be dead unexpectedly at any time, this spirit of comradeship or the family spirit we had among us was the safest and warmest sanctuary for us.

As the time in the jungle prolonged, we have seen many deaths, marrying and also child-bearing. My first and foremost experience with the death of a comrade in the jungle was because of malaria. Although he was not our relative or friend, we all felt the emptiness inside. Everyone in the camp was downhearted. Those who were close comrades to and lived with the deceased wept. We did the funeral service for him with our whole heart.

One of the deaths which I felt the grief for was the death of a leader who was trusted and reliable. He was an intelligent leader. The time of his death coincided with the time the enemy troops was launching a fierce offensive against our headquarters. During the offensive at one day I was to travel with the boat. He came to the boat being prepared for the trip and said, “Mr. Chairman. I will come with you.” Then I said, “You stay here. You have not had any sleep at all last night; have you?” He replied, “It’s okay. I also have a duty to do there.” Even though I could have done that for him, I told him to come along as I wanted him to feel relieved from the fighting situation for the moment. On the way, our boat ran over a rock and flipped. Although the water was not that deep, the currents were so rough and fast. He could not swim and drawn in the river. As we had been surrounded by the enemy, we were unable to search for his body. Everyone was grieved for the death of this comrade. We all cried at his funeral time. I cried hard. I did not cry when I heard about the death of my father in Burma. But I can’t keep the grief inside when my comrades die and I weep. I feel sorrow for their untimely deaths while struggling for the sake of people, but not for their own benefit, and giving up their life. For their unfinished tasks, those of us the survivors will have to take the responsibility and continue to strive.

While we loose some members, we, on the other hand, are having an increase number of members who have built a new life. Although most of us were singles when we joined the revolution, most of us now have married and have already had children. When our members want to get married, we have to take the position of their parents and go to meet with their girlfriends’ parents to request for the approval of the girls’ parents. Then we arrange for their marriage and build the house for the newly-wed. Then the house of the new couple becomes the house for us to visit and have meals with them. Children who were born in the camps were raised by the members or the comrades of their parents. And these children finally became like the children of all of us. We then had to think for their health and to fulfill the needs of their childhood life to be a happy one. We had to think for their future and their education. Then we had to built the schools. At the beginning we started with the nursery schools and now we have already had to built the high school. When they grow up, I want them to see and live in the society which is prosper, secure and just. Now our responsibilities have become elevated more than ever.

Just like other comrades, I am also a married revolutionary now. Our first anniversary is approaching as we were married in October last year. My wife is a woman who belongs to the same life as me with the same belief. However, she left the jungle in 1990 to got to study in America. In 1998 she returned to the border and since then she has been working full time to reinforce the revolution. Although we happened to meet each other at different occasions since 1988, our love for each other was born after her return to the border in 1998.

The beginning of our love journey was not as smooth as many others. However, at this day, we have overcome all those obstacles. During my revolution period and to this day when I am still alive, I have received the love from the woman of my life whom I love the most. I have had the chance to know about “love” which is not easy for everyone to find out. Based on the love between us, I have enabled to build a life which belongs to two of us.

However, in our revolution, life is not ordinary and, therefore, our married life is not an ordinary one. In our life, the matters of other people’s and the organizational matters take more priority than our personal matters almost all the time. They always take first priority. This must be quite difficult for a wife or a husband who is married to a revolutionary. Therefore, there is always a question for any of our members who wants to get married. “Will your marriage partner be able to understand your revolution life?”

We have no private time except for the bedtime. If we have private time, it is only when we have completed our duties or before we are assigned new duties. We have no check-in and check-out time. We have no Saturday and Sunday nor holidays. The time when we have to do the work is the working time. Even while sitting with the family, we will have to take off and follow the work whenever we have to. We can’t say it’s weekend or the office hour is over. This is not the because of the rule, but only because of our thinking which is we have to be for others. It is deep-rooted in our mind that if we don’t do that, many other peoples will suffer. We do not refuse because our wives or children are sick. When that happen and we have to go, other members in the community take the responsibilities and take care of our families.

In fact, our revolutionary life bounded with these mutual attachments and responsibilities is the start of the future. It is a small society which resembles the one we want to build in future. My dedication to revolution and giving priority to the organization is also for my beloved wife and the children of my comrades. However, I want to leave the question of our ego for the readers which is: “Will you be able to understand our revolutionary life?”